Oh hair.

So yesterday I tried to do my hair like they did in this months seventeen mag. and it was like you pull your hair into a pony then seperate it into three parts and make three different braids. Then you braid all three braids and it looks cool. So i tried it but I made ANOTHER braid and wrapped it around the pony tail holder and bobby pinned it in the back so that it looks like my braid is hoding the hair together instead of the pony tail holder and i failed. It didnt look as good as in the picutre since my hair has layers, so that kinda sucks. But I guess its just try and fail at this point.

Its insane how lyrics can perfectly describe the way you feel

"Stars"

Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same
I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain
Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain


I've been thinking 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely


But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else

When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself


Stars lookin at our planet watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinking bout the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home


I've been thinking bout everyone, everyone you look so empty


But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else

When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself


everyone, everyone we feel so lonely
everyone, yeah everyone we feel so empty


When I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I feel like myself

When I look at the stars, the stars
I see someone...

Penny for them

Lately I have had a lot of time to think about things, and as always I began to think about what it will be like when I get to go home for a couple weeks this summer. I started to think about the camp that I will be going to and how much fun it will be. But then something popped into my head that my dad had said to me a little while ago. He told me that he would suggest to the leaders of the camp that I give a testimony about how my life is as a teenage missionary. And I started thinking about what in the world I would say. So I started to round up the whole mission in a way that they would actually care. Not really saying what our family is doing and what who my dad is helping, but how these moves have effected me. I thought about how when I was in America and how devoted and dependent I was towards my friends. They were my life. If I couldn't go to a friends house to play, I would burst into tears. But I was also so dependent on them that I really didn't know who Grace was. I was just like who ever I was friends with. Chameleon, was what my family called me when I wasn't listening. But when God moved us to Norway it was like he was slowly easing me out of my dependency. I learned how to make new friends, and my best friend Jasmine showed me what it is like to be independent. It was like a whole new view for me. Once I got used to that, God moved me to Estonia. At this point he is completely ridding me of my dependency. Here I have to be completely independent and at first it was so different than anything I have lived. My whole life I have just been showered with love by everyone around me. The whole church loved little Gracie, the pastors daughter. And honestly it was really scary. But now I am learning to prioritize and I am starting to see the real skin under the chameleon. I am learning who I really am. And learning to fully depend on God instead of the people around me. And I am only starting to see what God is doing in me through this mission. And this is only the beginning.

Love sucks.

You wanna know what I think? I think that people these days are too scared. Everywhere you look a relationship is not working out. People come up with all these stupid excuses on why the absolutely have to end it with someone and I think its lame. I mean come on. Take a risk. Stop worrying so much! All this worrying just ends up in ending the relationship which ends up in a broken heart and lots of unwanted stress. I hate watching it. I mean its like divorce here and a break up there. Goodness gracious people, if you are going to be so picky at least be picky when you are picking the person for a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever! Seriously. You wanna know what else I think? I think i am getting addicted to writing blogs.

Sleep

Man I hate this. Recently we found out that I have something called Sleep Apnea, where I will stop breathing while I am asleep until it wakes me up and I begin to breathe again, sometimes gasping and sweating, depending on how long I was not breathing. Well Sleep Apnea can also be life threatening. But it really sucks because it really deprives the sleep I get, continuously waking up in the middle of the night. So if I don't take a nap I am really slugging through my day and honestly its not the way I want to live my life. Either always asleep, or slugging around everywhere. It really irritates me.

Snow..

So this winter, in Estonia, has completely beaten the record of snow in all of Estonia since 1968. There is 3 feet of snow, and it is absolutely beautiful. Its not so great to be in since it is like -10C but when you are in a warm place looking out the window it is really great. Everything is white. And you know how in stores they sell these white trees and you look at them and go PSH! Trees never actually look like that!! But little did you know! They look exactly like that here!!! I took these pictures and they are from my back yard.

Grrr...

Currently I am seriously annoyed. When I started this blog I hoped that it could just relieve some stress, you know get some stuff off my mind. In the beginning I didn't tell anyone about it. Not Jasmine or anyone. But I eventually slipped to Jasmine, since I tell her everything. But that was okay because she knows everything about me anyways. But then Ben finds it, of course. I should have thought of that. I should have known that he would look at Jasmines blog, see that she is following me, and read mine. That is so irritating. I use this like it is my diary. But if I write in a diary or journal or whatever, its like I'm just talking to myself, and it honestly just keeps things on my mind instead of taking it off. So I figured I would write to total strangers that are just reading random blogs, if any did read mine. But go figure, that is not the case. Ben just don't show anyone else please.

I was thinking of this last night and had to write it down

Think about the earth we have. Think about what he gave us. Think about the sun and the beauty, the smiles and laughter, the happiness and truth, and think about the love and family, think about the friends He gave us that make us so happy and push us to our limits. Think about the joy and the righteousness, think of all the wonderful things He gave us. But it couldn't all be good down here. There had to be limits to push us and there had to be a choice to make. He had to make us see the other side. We had to see the hatred and the lies, the deception and the hurt. The bad and the ugly, and the pain and suffering. There had to be a choice, a choice to follow the beauty or the pain. He gave you a choice, and no one said it would be easy, so stop complaining, and do what He says.